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Monday, January 23, 2012

Merrell Road Glove Giveaway Winner!

The response to my Road Glove giveaway was pretty intense folks. I received over 100 entries. You are all greedy, selfish bastards. I love it!

As I mentioned in the giveaway post, my method for picking the winner was to remain shrouded in mystery. What I ended up doing is just having my wife pick the winner. How's that for randomness? I'm pretty sure she just selected the top 12 most juvenile entries and then narrowed it down from there.

The winning poem is brilliant in terms of its simplicity and adherence to MGBG standards (i.e. lack thereof). Here it is in all of it's glory:

blah blah blah blah blah
nom nom nom nom nom nom nom
give me the Merrells!

And the poet of that fine piece of work is Guigou! This poem is a perfect example of everything that I stand for. It's pretty much the bare minimum as far as haikus go, while at the same time looking like it took some thought and creativity. Reminds me of myself. I almost shed a single tear I was so proud.

So Guigou, you have until January 30, 2012 to email me at mgbarefootguy@gmail.com with your address, size and color preference. If you don't claim your prize, I'm going to tell Merrell to send me something cool instead.

This contest was a lot of fun, and I was impressed with the poems I received. I thought I would take a minute to share the poems that made it into the illustrious Top 11 (it's like being nominated for a Golden Globe, but without all the prestige). They are in no particular order.

1. I'll get them stinky. I like to roast marshmallows. I don't wash my feet.

It holds true to the practice that each line of a haiku should be it's own poem. These lines aren't even remotely related. And I'm disturbed by at least 2 out of the 3!

2. Beer, boobs, and barefoot. No better way to live life except with free swag.

I put this on the list because the author really knows how to play to my emotions. Anything with beer, boobs, and barefoot at the same time has gotta be good!

3. All the dumb people. Who couldn't write 5-7-5. Don't deserve these shoes.

Cuz it's just damn funny! It was a hard choice between the winner and this one.

4. Oh yeah...and I have beer chillin' in the fridge.

Not really a haiku, but I'm happy for this author!

5. You pompous jackass. Making us grovel for shoes. Please please pick me please.

Name calling will get you everywhere with me.

6. I should also mention un-haikuly the following: a) If I win these shoes with a poem it will make my friends stop teasing me about my bachelor's degree in poetry. b) It won't make my friends stop teasing me about my moobs. c) It will free up the cash on my budget sheet to get some sweet run amocs. d) If selected I'll wear a homemade MGBG shirt and the road gloves for the LA Marathon. e) Your blog has inspired me to start my own, albeit less focused, popular, and well-written blog.

I enjoy the fact that this is not even remotely a haiku. I also smirk at the fact that someone got a bachelor's degree in poetry. That's playing the sympathy card pretty heavy dude.

7. I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny...

I am impressed with the fact that this author recognized that the first lines of "Baby Got Back" is a haiku.

8. I want Merrell shoes. How about you hook me up? Refrigerator.

Kind of like when you finish your term paper and it doesn't have enough words...so you add a bunch of adjectives to pad your stats. Love it!

9. Another effin' giveaway I'll never win. Merrell Road Gloves! Sigh...

At least you're honest.

10. I have man-boobs. They are quite large. I win by default.

What's up with all my readers having saggy tits? This one was funny, and was also in top contention. What tipped the balance is that the author is my friend Barefoot Puffin, who I'll probably have test some shoes in the near future. Gotta spread the swag love. And that link should be somewhat of a consolation.

11. A drawing I had. It was rigged and you won my shoes. You owe me pay up!

I like my friend Jimmy Hart's attempt at mafia-style extortion. I'll be emailing you shortly about ways I can make this one up to you. Although I won that contest fair and square.

Thanks for all the entries citizens! We'll have many more giveaways this year now that my swag ninja abilities have reached their peak. Stay tuned!


  1. We can't all have firm perky tits like yours Christian. Mine are getting there though. Down 2 cup sizes I believe...Also thanks for the link, and congrats to the winner. I wish I could've put more thought into my Haiku.

    I'm off for more moob destroying workouts and blog posts.



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