Citizens. I owe you all an apology. I haven't been sharing my swag with you as much as I'd like. Part of this whole blog experience for me was to shamelessly exploit your desire for free stuff for my own fame-whoring benefit. Lately I've been relying solely on information and humor to get my stats up. And let's be honest...it's mostly been information. Who wants to read that boring crap?
It's just...not...right...
I want to make it up to you. And just like a typical guy, I do that by giving you gifts and then pretending like nothing happened. This is a big transgression, so it needs a big gift.
How about A FREE PAIR OF SUPER AWESOME, CAN'T FIND THESE IN STORES, BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK TO HAVE A PAIR.....
MERRELL ROAD GLOVES!!!
(Cue confetti and other crappy high school pep rally stunts)
For those who aren't familiar with the shoe, here is my review. Merrell also has a place on their website where you can view the shoe's stats. If you're still interested, here's what you need to do.
For a contest this big, I'm not giving away these shoes to just anyone. You've got to work for them. So if you want to enter into this contest, here's what you need to do. In the comment section of this post, I want you to write a haiku poem about why you deserve these shoes the most. You have until January 23, 2012 to enter.
Winners will be chosen from a completely arbitrary blend of random number generation, awesomeness of the haiku submitted, the "good old boy" system, bribery, general attractiveness of entrant, boob size, and whatever factors I feel like using. Pretty much...the drawing will be rigged and I'll probably just give the shoes to the popular kids. But enter anyway. Should be a good time...
Cheers citizens!
Farewell... And I'll take
ReplyDeleteA brand new pair of sneakers.
And the lamp. That's all.
If I could write well,
ReplyDeleteMy own blog would score me these.
Please give me some kicks
These will never fit.
ReplyDeleteMy feet are simply too wide.
I'll trade them for beer.
I have man-boobs.
ReplyDeleteThey are quite large.
I win by default.
OH MY GOODNESS... I WOULD FLY OUT AND KISS YOU IF I WON!!!!!!! Just sayin.
ReplyDeleteOH crap. I have to write a peom! I got to excited.
ReplyDeleteOh my good ness
I would fly out
and kiss you
If I
won.
I'm a bit too fat
ReplyDeleteAnd need some motivation
Help a brother out
I've been trying hard
ReplyDeleteTo post a damn comment - sheesh!
Beer me those shoes, please.
I'm a new reader
ReplyDeleteWant me to come back again?
Give me these darned shoes
woe are my bare feet
ReplyDeletefrigid asphalt scars their soles
free me with your shoes
I run without shoes
ReplyDeleteI buy shoes like a lady
I am barefoot guy
Another effin'
ReplyDeletegiveaway I'll never win.
Merrell Road Gloves! Sigh...
barefoot shoes are good shoes
ReplyDeletebarefoot feet are better, still
I am a shoe whore
These shoes I don't need
ReplyDeleteBut my lonely Merrell Trail gloves
Have no road brethren
short Texan nerd guy
ReplyDeleteisn't sure your shoes will fit
will make a good shrine
I want Merrell shoes.
ReplyDeleteHow about you hook me up?
Refrigerator.
New shoes for Daddy:
ReplyDeleteYear of non-consumption
Spouse says no.
My toes safe
ReplyDeletethanks
to your generosity
A haiku for shoes?
ReplyDeleteI won't sell my soul for this.
Wait. Road Gloves? I'm in!!
I like big butts and
ReplyDeleteI can not lie, you other
Brothers can't deny...
My toes get cold when
ReplyDeleteI run in mid forty degrees
barefoot please thank you
What's haiku, is it this?
ReplyDeleteI got these new shoes in the post
MBGB is really quite the host
He wanted haiku
Just for an effin shoe
Well he can eat his own shite on hot toast
Cold, rainy Portland
ReplyDeleteA poor student can't afford
These very same shoes
Merrill Road Gloves can
ReplyDeleteAfter big shoe injuries
Help me recover
Ooops -- I meant:
ReplyDeleteAfter big shoe injuries
Merrill Road Gloves can
Help me recover
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletemiles tick by on feet
ReplyDeleteno longer imprisoned by
foam, support, pain, fear
A cool kid I'm not.
ReplyDeleteHelp me with road gloves, to take
focus off my nose.
i should also mention un-haikuly the following:
ReplyDelete1. if i win these shoes with a poem it will make my friends stop teasing me about my bachelor's degree in poetry.
2. it wont make my friends stop teasing me about my moobs.
3. it will free up the cash on my budget sheet to get some sweet sweet run amocs.
4. if selected i'll wear a home-made MGBG shirt and the road gloves for the LA marathon
and finally
5. your blog inspired me to start my own, albeit less focused, popular and well written blog
You pompous jackass
ReplyDeleteMaking us grovel for shoes
Please please pick me please
Read Jason's Review
ReplyDeleteRoad Gloves are the holy grail
of Barefoot Running
Merrell your so cool
ReplyDeleteGiving us all this free stuff
Christian pick me
Early winter morning
ReplyDeleteMy moment in eternity
Foot traces in newly fallen snow
I run in Vibrams
ReplyDeleteMy toes miss each other so
Please reunite them!
Looking out my window, pain
ReplyDeleteThe run is calling
I beg for a victory
frozen feet fall hard
ReplyDeletethe cold relentless pavement
Merrell Barefoot Roads
Frost alights
ReplyDeleteThis discalceated dons shoes
MGBG recommended it
In reference To your 10/20/11 post
Barefoot Rose
what size shoes are these?
ReplyDeleteI hope my feet are worthy
for they are mighty
please send me these shoes
ReplyDeletemy feet have need of gentle
kisses that they bring
asphalt pierces soles
ReplyDeleteRoad Glove monster trucks my heart
please...give me free schwag
Minimalism Wins
ReplyDeleteFor it allows me to run
with grace and comfort!
Got shoes like a chick
ReplyDeleteWas set to buy these anyway,
but help me, help me
Send me these shoes now
ReplyDeleteAnd I will stop PM'ing
You on Runnersworld
The smack of our lips
ReplyDeleteOn your pasty white buttocks
Will it ever stop
I finally quit
ReplyDeleteDrinking and drugs and bad food
Christ, I need something
Trail Gloves are great
ReplyDeletebut not for roads so I need
Merrel Road Gloves PLEASE !
I love my Vibrams
ReplyDeleteCoworkers won't laugh at me
If I have these shoes!
Oh yeah... and I have beer chillin' in the fridge!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI know free shoes will
ReplyDeletehelp with my quest to become
Saint Paul Barefoot Guy
trail gloves and tough gloves
ReplyDeletenow i see they have road gloves
need these to feel loved
Merrell shoes need to
ReplyDeletebe cheaper so poor sods can wear
them like maple grove
that is some sweet swag
ReplyDeletecan you just give me a pair?
i beg of you please
Don't worry, old man
ReplyDeleteIf not Merrell,
Go bare, I shall!
Merrell, Merrell shoe,
ReplyDeleteHow I want you more than Gu.
Don't win? I will sue.
sheep drink, reflections
ReplyDeletecajoling groundhogs jabbing
anaconda freeze
My soles be durrty
ReplyDeleteRoad Gloves are what I need
Maple Grove Ninja please
:)
All the dumb people
ReplyDeleteWho couldn't write 5-7-5
Don't deserve these shoes.
Bare feet nature loves
ReplyDeleteWhen nature is too unkind
Road Gloves make feet smile
Ever on and on...
ReplyDeletehushed steps of falling leaves
on cinder and stone
I will win these shoes
ReplyDeletegive me those goddamn shoes man
or i will kill you
I think
ReplyDeletethem are el rowed
loves arse wheat
Zero drop roads
ReplyDeleteOh where have you been
My calves will scream with you
I really want you
ReplyDeleteMerrell Road Gloves come to me
I want to wear you
I LIVE IN THE STICKS
ReplyDeleteALL ROADS ARE CHIP-SEALED
HURTING MY BAREFEET
My trail gloves are done
ReplyDeleteI need the merrell road gloves
oh please let me win
your link in the article about the review just goes to the merrell site.
ReplyDeleteBeer, boobs, and barefoot
ReplyDeleteNo better way to live life
except with free swag
I beg you please sir
ReplyDeleteGive me these, and you will see
My eternal thanks!
These shoes I deserve
ReplyDeleteFor my husband, them I'll win
Happy, he will be
Nike Free's right now
ReplyDeleteMerrell Road Gloves tomorrow
Strong feet forever
What the heck is haiku?
ReplyDeleteReally, really want this shoe!!!
Not much I won't do.
After further research, a minor change...
DeleteWhat the heck's haiku?
Really, really want this shoe!!!
Not much I won't do.
These foot injuries
ReplyDeleteAre becoming quite annoying
I need some new shoes
-OR-
This college student
Is in dire need of money
Some new shoes would help
-or-
DeleteI do Love Haikus
My Love for them compares to
My Love for these shoes
-or-
Deleteblah blah blah blah blah
om nom nom nom nom nom nom
give me the Merrells!
(I had to get at least one immature one in there)
-or-
DeleteMy favorite hue
is orange, just like this shoe.
May I win one new?
(This is my least favorite haiku I've done so far...maybe I'll stop now...maybe)
-or-
DeleteMy campus is bricks
Trails are few and far between
These would greatly help
(okay so I'm not entirely done)
Duct tape on Vibrams
ReplyDeleteBad knee pain with Kinvara
Need Road Glove, LONG RUN!!!
New runner right here.
ReplyDeleteGot into minimalist.
No turning back now!
I don't like to beg
ReplyDeleteBut Duke ate all my money
Girlfriend: "debt trumps shoes"
Soft falls my bare foot
ReplyDeleteRocks, sticks, roots, cinders and glass
Road Glove save my sole
Running in a dream
ReplyDeleteSwiftly crossing all meaning
Barely a whisper
It's hard - the ground is
ReplyDeleteRising to meet these soft feet
Road Glove will spare me
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLet fools wear shoes on
ReplyDeleteI need health to reach my goal -
End ultras with smile
I need gloves, my bro,
ReplyDeleteTo run in those asphalted
Latvian birch groves..
Again, without shame
ReplyDeleteSeeking free shoes -- a fools game!
Dammit, let me win!
running in the Merrel
ReplyDeleteis like a barrel
of bitter stout
on my bear-fout
Can I have some shoes?
ReplyDeleteShoes shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes.
Boy, do I love shoes!
Trails? Sure fun to run!
ReplyDeleteBut, the lakefront is too flat
and asphalt abounds.
I'll get them stinky.
ReplyDeleteI like to roast marshmallows.
I don't wash my feet.
I run across land
ReplyDeleteWon't find my feet blistering
With my Merrell Gloves
John Turner
I love my Pace Gloves.
ReplyDeleteHow to show husband barefoot?
Win Merrell Road Gloves!
wife and baby girl
ReplyDeleteleave little money
for superfluous shoes
Toes need no dropping
ReplyDeleteI am running in the snow
Blood circulation
Road Gloves: We want you
ReplyDeleteCall my feet and toes
Let's get outside!
I will use the shoes
ReplyDeleteOn trails on sundays only
to spot a pacers booty
The feet will take me
ReplyDeleteBut who will be the one to
Bring me back to you?
melting snow and running salt waters
ReplyDeletethe distance is long and lonesome
road gloves carry all and nothing
there once was a guy from new york
ReplyDeletewho became a minimalist shoe dork
he ran and he blogged
with footwear most found odd
and wrote a limerick instead of haiku.
Baby girl at home
ReplyDeleteBarefoot I feel newborn, too
Daddy needs new shoes
Marshmallow shoes these are not.
ReplyDeleteGive me these shoes.
Or I'll cover you with snot.....
I like shoes a lot
ReplyDeleteA lot of old shoes I've got
These new shoes I want